How long do I have to wait for my husband to return home before continuing with my life?

Sometimes I hear from people (usually wives) who have no idea when (or if) their spouse will return to them. Sometimes you are legally separated and sometimes your spouse just got up and left after a fight or after announcing that you would like a break or time for himself. Sometimes the departing spouse is in constant contact or you have a good idea of ​​when they might return and sometimes you don’t.

I have heard from many spouses who are getting tired (and nervous) of worrying when their spouse will finally come home. I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: “My husband left me six months ago. He told me he was not sure if we should be married longer and indicated that he would contact me regularly to check. I have only heard from him a handful of times. I heard about him last week, but it didn’t seem so promising. When I’m honest about this with some of my friends, they tell me I need to stop waiting for him to come home and just live or move on with my They say I’m putting everything on hold for my husband when he doesn’t deserve it. I understand what they’re saying, but the truth is that I don’t want to do anything with my life right now, especially without my husband. I don’t want to see others people and I certainly don’t want to give up on my marriage. Are my friends right? My husband has not filed for divorce and has made no move to legalize our separation. I feel very stupid and naive for doing so. “

The length of time you are comfortable waiting for your spouse to return home varies: There is no right or wrong answer for everyone in terms of how long it is appropriate to wait. My husband and I really struggled for about a year when we broke up before we finally got it. I suspect he saw other people. Friends and family told me that I was fooling myself to keep hoping. But, like the wife in this example, she wasn’t ready to start over. I still felt connected to my husband and invested in my marriage. And I didn’t feel like it was right for other people to impose their own time frame or beliefs on me.

However, I understand that some people just don’t have the patience and inclination to wait. In fact, sometimes when I hear some people ask me how long they should wait for their spouse to come home before moving on, it is clear that they really are already ready and eager to move on and are almost looking for someone to who to give. them permission to do so.

Although this is probably a conversation you wish you had with your spouse, you both likely knew that if the separation did not work out favorably, there was always a chance that one or both would move on (or at least start). live your life again while waiting for a resolution.) I don’t think you need anyone’s permission to start living again, although it might be honorable to talk about dating other people with your spouse, if this is what you are considering right now.

I didn’t really think about dating other people. I was still very interested in my marriage, although I don’t think the same was true of my husband. They are very individual decisions. I don’t think there are necessarily right or wrong answers, although I do think it helps if you are honest and open throughout the process so that no one feels cheated or misled. And frankly, I don’t think it’s a crime to keep living your life while you’re apart. In fact, I think it can help you cope with this process, which I will talk about now.

Who says you have to stop living your life while you are separated or living apart ?: Many people (myself included) drop everything when we part ways. For a while, it’s hard for us to even do basic things, like go to work, eat and dress decently, and interact meaningfully with our families and friends. And it’s understandable that we feel that way, but withdrawing into yourself doesn’t really help much.

All it ends up doing is isolating us and making us feel more closed and depressed. There is nothing wrong with going to dinner with your friends, engaging in a hobby that takes you out of the house, or getting close to other people. You certainly don’t have to date again to continue living your life. I’m very honest when I say that isolating myself during my breakup was probably the worst decision I ever made. I became depressed, and as a result, when I interacted with my husband during the separation, I was definitely not at my best. I was insecure and needy. It’s no wonder my husband didn’t want to be around me when he acted this way and avoided me. And this really hurt my chances of reconciliation.

It wasn’t until I got sick of my own loneliness and isolation that I literally had to force myself to go out with friends, do the things I enjoyed, and just go out. And you know what? Not only did this make me feel a little better, it made me look more attractive and my husband soon became interested in me again, so living my life again helped me in more ways than one. It restored my confidence and optimism, and it also restored the woman my husband fell in love with in the first place. If this hadn’t happened, I honestly don’t know if we’d still be married today. So, to answer the question posed, I believe that you can live your life right now, even if you are separated. And this is true even if she still loves her husband very much and hopes for a reconciliation.