Why do men always want their wife to come back after an affair? I’ll tell you

I get this question a lot and I get it from women on both sides of this fence. Wives often ask because they want to know if they can really believe their husband when he swears that he is through with the other woman. And, I sometimes hear this question from the mistress (some of whom are repeat offenders) asking me why every time they get involved in this type of relationship and even fully invest in it, that men eventually end up getting back with their wife. .

From wives, I often hear comments like “he says he wants to get back to me and he knows he made a big mistake for which he will correct, but it’s hard for me to believe that he suddenly saw the light and changed.” your mind. Why do men do this? Is there an answer that I am missing? “

From the mistress, I often hear comments like “why is she telling me that her marriage is unsatisfactory and that she really cares about me and then ends up going back to what she seemed not to want? Was she lying to me all the time ?, or just was he confused, or what? “

The answer to all these questions is as varied as the man himself, but very often he eventually realizes that he was desperately wrong in his assumptions and actions. And at the end of the day, all he really wants is to get back to his normal life (which he now realizes that he took a lot for granted). I will discuss this further in the next article.

Ultimately, the men return to their wives because they realize that the affair was a mistake that was based on deception and unhealthy assumptions: Before continuing, I must say that not all men who cheat will return to their wife. But many do. And those who do often do so because they realize that the affair was a foolish mistake that is going to have far-reaching consequences.

At the beginning of the adventure, a man often looks for a way to fix what is broken or missing within himself. At first, the adventure may appear to be accomplishing this. But the bright novelty wears off relatively soon, and eventually most men wake up and wonder what kind of logic they were using. Over time, they realize that making even more mistakes and using questionable judgment is not going to solve their problems in any way.

In fact, they often find that they are actually worse and more confused and frustrated than when they started out. Most of them will find that they have done nothing but create a much bigger mess for themselves and once they realize this they want to abruptly end this situation.

Often mistresses email me confused and angry that the husband abruptly broke things when they, the mistress, did nothing wrong. Often it is not necessarily the lover that is wrong, it is the relationship that is wrong. The husband realizes that there is really nowhere this can go and that only negative things will come out. Therefore, you want to escape and start doing things right as soon as possible.

Men often realize that the mistress is not who she thought she was and that she has nothing on her wife: Let’s be honest. People who have adventures very often live in a fantasy land. The lover seems seductive and carefree because she is not the one who washes his clothes, watches him get ready, or picks up his dirty socks. At first, the mistress is usually quite good at keeping her heart merry, and is usually quite careful about asking too many questions or making too many demands.

But no one can go on like this forever. Pretty soon, these two people have to exist in real life and that’s usually when the pink glasses start to come off. And the view without them doesn’t look so good. He comes to see that he and the mistress have the same problems as he and the wife. And that ultimately this woman is really a stranger to him and that the situation he’s got into is very silly and he has nowhere to go but down.

Men will often tell me that once they realize this, they realize what an idiot they have been. They suddenly see their wives with a new pair of eyes and realize how much they took her for granted and projected their own problems onto her.

Men generally end an affair and return home when they realize they cannot escape their troubles: As I mentioned before, husbands generally find that they will not be able to resolve their problems, stressors, and insecurities through another person or in another relationship. Usually they will realize that they need to do some work on themselves or that this problem will just follow them from one relationship to another and continue to make them unhappy.

Once they realize this, they finally understand that they must get to work with the person they really care about, the person they have been so unfair to and taken for granted: their wife. It is so unfortunate that it takes a mistake of this magnitude to force men to wake up and realize that it is often the woman who has been there for them the entire time and who knows them better than anyone who is better equipped. to help them navigate their lives. now.

Sometimes the wife does not believe these claims and is unwilling to pick up the pieces. And no one can really blame her. But, he is often sincere when he says that now he can look back and see that cheating was one of the biggest mistakes of his life and that he wants to correct it if given the chance. Many lovers will take it personally, but they really shouldn’t. The relationship didn’t have much of a chance from the start, as it was based on dishonesty, deception, and a fantasy world that never really existed.