The best time to deal with bullying behavior is before it happens to your child, not after. Recognize that the higher your child’s self-esteem, the less likely he or she will be the target of bullying behavior.
Fortunately, we now have comprehensive anti-bullying legislation and policies in place to protect our children. However, you don’t need to look solely at your school to protect your child from bullying behavior. Below are 8 powerful and specific ways you can empower your child with the self-esteem and skills necessary to create and attract healthy relationships:
1. Model self-esteem and healthy relationships. This is extremely important. After all, we can’t teach what we don’t know. Also, our children learn by watching us and how we interact with others.
2. Learn about bullying. There are a variety of ways that a child can be bullied. For example, direct bullying may involve hitting, calling names, tripping, or taking or destroying another person’s property. Indirect bullying can involve spreading rumors or gossip about someone, either in person or online, through social media or text messages. Interestingly, children often bully others when they have an underlying lack of compassion and respect for themselves and others. Learn more and find out more about what you can do to increase your child’s ability to protect himself from becoming a target of bullying behavior.
3. Encourage your child to develop his unique talents and interests. As your child learns what he is good at and spends time doing activities he enjoys, his self-confidence will naturally increase. When he is able to help others using his natural talents and abilities, his self-esteem will rise. You can also look for groups and organizations designed for this, such as Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, or other groups that participate in activities in which your child shows an interest.
4. Provide your child with the best resources to help him succeed. If you see that your child is having some kind of difficulty, for example, in school or in social situations, find out why. Ask questions. Learning often starts with knowing the right questions to ask. If you feel it is necessary, have it evaluated by the school and/or the appropriate medical professional, one that is highly recommended. Don’t settle for less than your child deserves and don’t take no for an answer when you know your child needs help. This will also show your child not only that he is committed to helping him do his best, but that there is no shortage of resources when we commit to finding them.
5. Encourage your child to use effective body language. Interestingly, the way we communicate is often more effective than what we communicate. Encourage your child to stand and walk upright, make direct eye contact, and use a firm tone of voice when speaking. Often when we create the appearance of trust, we create actual trust. Shuffling steps, looking down and away from others, and a soft or hesitant tone of voice all indicate a lack of confidence.
6. Give your child a variety of tools to use if faced with bullying behavior. Let’s face it, bullies exist. Therefore, the more “tools” your child has at her disposal, the more confident she will feel if she encounters bullying behavior. It can help him come up with a number of pre-planned “responses” to use in a variety of situations, for example, if another child makes fun of something he is wearing or hurls some other insult at him.
7. Reinforce the learning power that comes from challenges (also called “mistakes”). In this way, recharacterize “mistakes” as challenges and opportunities to learn and grow. Pay attention to the words you use. Words are extremely powerful. One example we can learn from mental health professionals is reinforcing with your child the difference between his behavior being “bad” and him being “bad.”
8. Regularly point out and remind your child of positive qualities, unique strengths, and specific accomplishments. Try to be as specific as possible and link them to a specific outcome each time. For example, tell him that the way he volunteered to help his friend was very kind and generous. Ask him if he noticed that her friend smiled and seemed to feel better about himself after that. This also shows that her son is responsible for creating results with her behavior.