A sex education should include a description of sexual techniques that can be used to please men and women. These should differentiate between those techniques that help with orgasm and those that provide sensual pleasure. We orgasm with a frequency dictated by our responsiveness. We think about sexual activity because some trigger makes us think about sex. Most men are already aroused when they have the opportunity to have sex.
Reaching orgasm is related to a number of factors. The most critical issue is that an individual must have the necessary response capacity. Responsiveness is a male characteristic. Therefore, men are much more likely to experience an orgasm than women. Other factors include a degree of privacy, a degree of men’s confidence in the social situation, and a relaxed state of mind.
A man may not want his performance to be observed in case he is judged to be lacking. Like a carnivore after killing, a man does not want to have to fight against competitors. Above all, a man wants to concentrate on the eroticism of the stage so that he can enjoy the best release. He doesn’t want interruptions until he has ejaculated. He may not want his partner to be distracted. Women want privacy because of the shame of sex.
One of the key features of orgasm is that it occurs sporadically. This is difficult to appreciate when an individual is highly receptive. It is much easier to see when a person responds less. Due to the novelty of the situation, a man may spontaneously ejaculate if he is highly aroused, young, or inexperienced. Women never have a spontaneous orgasm. The female orgasm must always be generated consciously. Men also have to work to achieve orgasm to a greater or lesser degree depending on their state of arousal.
Orgasm is just one part of the arousal cycle, which varies but is a unique experience. The ideal scenario consists of enjoying psychological stimulation (conscious erotic fantasy or subconscious response to eroticism) combined with genital stimulation (of the tumescent sexual organ: penis or clitoris) culminating in the release of sexual tension (in the form of orgasm) followed by a pleasurable aftermath (of orgasm) that includes waves of post-climax echoes and feelings of tiredness.
Reaching orgasm involves applying constant stimulation until orgasm and then giving up. The time it takes to reach orgasm depends on several factors, including our current state of arousal. But that period of stimulation cannot be determined in advance. You can’t set your clock and demand that someone orgasm at an exact time. This makes it highly unlikely that lovers will be able to orgasm at exactly the same time as each other.
Men and women experience orgasm differently. A man has the excitement of penetration and domination. A man is well aware of his need for liberation. He has the sensation of ejaculating and release of sexual frustration. Even for a woman, the release feels best when some time has passed since the last orgasm. The focus on eroticism is a fantasy setting for a woman, but could be exciting for a man, such as a new sexual partner.
We don’t experience exactly the same sensations every time we have an orgasm. Sometimes the feelings of release are much more satisfying than others. Factors that affect the quality of our orgasm include: our suppressed need for sexual release, our ability to achieve mental focus on eroticism, and factors such as our general state of well-being.
If our goal is orgasm, we want to control our own stimulation. We want to synchronize the stimulation with what is happening in our head to optimize the mental impact of the orgasm (satisfaction obtained from sexual release). Orgasm is a subconscious response but we need to take conscious action to achieve it. A woman masturbates using an instinctive stimulation technique (as men do). A person knows that she has had an orgasm because it is a unique experience. But we also know how we got there! Arousal (and therefore orgasm) is based on what goes on in the mind.
Reaching orgasm involves considerable effort. Both men and women experience an increase in heart rate and heavier breathing. For men, this effect is increased if they have had vigorous intercourse for some time. Female arousal depends on mental concentration rather than physical effort. A woman may tense up and hold her breath for brief periods while she is concentrating on her arousal, which can increase her shortness of breath.
The sensations that accompany orgasm are unique and do not exactly match any other human experience. We lack the vocabulary to describe it because we never talk about these sensations. Feelings of arousal are like arousal. We feel a slight rush of adrenaline. We hold our breath to focus on feelings. Our mind is totally absorbed in what is happening. The sensations of orgasm are sweet, happy and satisfying.
Erotic stimulation…produces a series of physiological changes that…appear to involve adrenal secretion;…an increased pulse rate;…an influx of blood to…the penis…and clitoris;… • often considerable loss of perceptual ability; increased nervous tension; some degree of frigidity in all or part of the body at the moment of maximum tension and then a sudden release that produces local spasms or more extensive convulsions. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)