I recently heard from a wife who was quite lonely and devastated. Last week, her husband had decided that he “needed some space,” and he packed up and left the house. He had called several times during her absence, but he did not give the wife any details about how long she expected to be away from her and when (or if) she would return. The wife regretted how they had left things. They had argued and she had said some things that she definitely didn’t want to say, while her husband had also said some ruthless things to her.
So, she had no idea where she was or where the marriage was headed. And, even though she was angry at her husband for leaving her and the things she said, she knew she still loved him and she wanted him to come home as soon as possible. She didn’t want this impulsive event to spell the end of her marriage. But she didn’t know how to change the path they seemed to be on. And, every time she tried to broach this topic with her husband and express her feelings to him, he would get flustered and abruptly end the conversation.
So it was clear to the wife that the subject was, at least for now, off limits. And, this left her confused as to what she should do. She was worried that if she just dropped the subject and backed off completely, then her husband might keep walking away and not come home. But, she didn’t want to keep pushing him any further.
Actually, from my own experience and research, I think there is a happy middle ground here and a tactic that generally produces the best outcome for everyone involved. It would also allow the wife to keep her self-respect intact and emerge in a position of strength rather than one of weakness.
Even if you want it at home, try not to be too strong: Obviously, if the wife had her way, the husband would come home full of love and apology that very night. But, it was quite clear that this was not likely. The husband called less and less and seemed more and more annoyed. Believe it or not, you’ll usually get better results and a better response from him if you let him get closer to you instead of pushing you towards him when he’s not receptive to it.
When I say this to women, they often respond with something like, “well, if I wait for him to chase me or come, I might be waiting forever. out of mind’ is it true? What if I give him this space and he never comes back to me?”
This is what you might want to consider. He is already gone. You can’t turn back time and prevent this from happening. But, what you can control is how you react in this moment. You can control how you present yourself right now, and this is likely to influence his perceptions of what he really wants. And his perceptions are likely not good if you push when he’s not receptive or if you focus on the negative and how miserable you are without him.
A desperate woman who is scolding, debating, or falling apart is not likely to be perceived as attractive. I don’t mean to be cruel here, but my conversations with the men who visit my blog tell me that, unfortunately, that’s the way it is.
Present yourself as the woman you know he really wants: Many women in this situation tell me that they feel like they are no longer what their husband wants. You must not think this way. This is what you probably forgot. He has already chosen you once. You have already shown that you have the attributes that he values most. He was already so crazy about you that he married you.
Yes, things have started to go wrong and your life could be off the rails. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t fix it. You know what he loves about you. Make sure he sees these things without you having to reach too far to reach them. Wait until he is more receptive and then give him small doses of who you know he loves very much. Always keep things lighthearted and let him see the woman he’s been missing.
Even if you feel scared, insecure and insecure, save these emotions for your trusted girlfriends and family members because it is very important that you try to keep all perceptions as positive as you can right now. Make sure he thinks you’re not down around the house praying for his return. Give the impression that you trust that if you can gradually improve things, he will gladly return because you are meant to be together. If he can accomplish this, he will often find that he is becoming more and more receptive to you and the idea of coming home.