Sometimes I hear from people who are not sure how they should act while separated from their spouse. They have often read that you should not appear desperate or that you are simply waiting for your spouse to call or try to see you. In other words, as much as possible, you want to make sure he’s not the only one initiating the contact or doing the chasing.
I heard from a wife who said, “We’ve been apart for about six weeks. I miss my husband terribly. Not a day goes by that I don’t think how bad it is that he’s gone.” living at home Sometimes when we talk on the phone, the words ‘I miss you’ are right on the tip of my tongue. But I don’t say them because I don’t want to sound too anxious. Over time, my husband and I get along reasonably well when we interact during the separation, so I don’t think missing him will bother him or set him back. I miss him and how desperate I am for him to come home.
It is not difficult for me to put myself in the place of this wife. I went through a separation like this. And in the beginning, I never missed an opportunity to let my husband know how much I missed him. And as this wife suspected, he backfired on me because all he did was make my husband feel so guilty that he wanted to avoid me. Later, I learned not to be so forthcoming about how bad I felt and this really helped things between us. However, I think sometimes people take this strategy too far.
You probably already know that, despite the circumstances, they both miss each other: Our husbands can often read us better than we think. And I’m pretty sure both people strongly suspect that the other is missing their life together. It would be difficult to be married and live with someone for so long and not feel some longing once they lived apart. So I doubt the husband will be as surprised if the wife says the obvious: that she misses him.
However, I think the real distinction may be whether you tell him you miss him if he asks, or whether you continually drop him when no one has mentioned it. I mean, I used to bring it up myself and then tell my husband that I didn’t know if I could be without him for one more day. This is completely different from confessing that you miss your spouse if he or she brings it up or if he asks you about it directly.
Understand that missing your spouse does not change the issues that led to the separation: One thing that never occurred to me when I was constantly telling my husband how much I missed him was how little it mattered when you looked at the big picture. And I’m not trying to sound insensitive when I say this. But the fact that I missed him didn’t change the fact that neither of us had done anything to address the issues that led to the breakup in the first place.
One day, when I was talking and talking about how unhappy the separation was making me, my husband said “yes, but tell me something new. Tell me what has changed.” I thought he was just trying to shut me up. It took me a while to realize what he meant. What he was trying to tell me is that the fact that I missed him did nothing to solve our marital problems. And until those issues were resolved, nothing was going to change for him, no matter how much she missed him.
So sometimes you really have to look at the big picture and ask yourself where you are in the process. For example, if you and your husband have made great progress and have worked through your problems so well that you are beginning to date and become intimate again, then telling him that you miss him might make a difference because the situation would be such that it would make sense to act on it. this. However, if like me, nothing has changed, then telling him you miss him is stating the obvious and is likely to frustrate both of you because, regardless of how you feel, nothing has really changed about your marriage.
So, to answer the question posed, it is my opinion that if your husband asks you directly, there is no reason to lie and say that you don’t miss him. But if you’re going to bring it up yourself, make sure you’ve laid the groundwork for fixing your marriage so your words will count. There’s no point in emphasizing how much you miss him when neither of you have addressed the outstanding issues so you can both do something about it.