I dare say that quite a few of us are confined to our homes with someone we don’t like or are no longer in love with. This may be because they have had an affair or because something has changed and it is not the person we met and fell in love with. Or over time there may be a slow erosion of feelings and we finally decide it’s over, but COVID-19 means it’s impossible to issue divorce papers. We can’t move, so we’re forced to go through lockdown together.
Whether we are married or in a relationship, have children, joint financial commitments like a home, or shared business interests, separation is a complex process, even without the impact of COVID-19. The idea of being isolated for an undetermined period of time, not knowing how long it will last, is a daunting prospect, especially when we are spending lockdown with someone we want to divorce!
Many people are already experiencing a series of emotions throughout this time and these emotions are very different for each of us. Some people enjoy forced rest and take the time to reassess their priorities, be at home, perhaps pursue hobbies, read, garden, play with their children. Others have serious anxieties and concerns about their health, jobs, business security, the financial impact, the loss of their freedom, and the future implications of this crisis.
Add relationship concerns to the mix and it can make for a very stressful time. So are there positive ways to manage the costs of being confined with someone you want to divorce?
– Remember that you already have many skills to deal with impossible situations. No doubt she has had various experiences when she has been presented with a fait accompli, a fixed set of circumstances that are difficult to navigate. As an adult, he will know that there are some things that he has no choice but to accept and work out, others that he can negotiate a little. Breathe. If you can’t change something, there’s no point in stressing about it. Let it go and focus on making the best of what you can do.
– Be civilized and polite with others. It’s a good start when you’re going through lockdown together. Talk about your meals, what you want to eat, what TV shows you’d like to watch, when to spend time together or apart. Could you browse your music catalog, old photos, vacation memories, raid the game closet, share household chores?
– Gratitude is an important reflex when you’re locked up Appreciating your shared history, how far you’ve come, the personal development that has occurred as a result of your relationship. They may have grown up together or survived various rough patches. Being grateful can reconnect you to your roots and core values, reminding you of what was important before life, ambition, and success got in the way.
– Let each other laugh together. Perhaps kitchen mishaps or clumsy DIY attempts could be a source of amusement. Affectionate humor is a positive way to manage stress and maintain a more joyful approach when spending lockdown together.
– If there are children at home, agree so that the environment is pleasant for them. She may want a divorce, but they are still her parents. COVID-19 is confusing enough for kids, there is no need to over complicate things. Take turns and alternate the time of the lesson, so that you give yourself some space for personal time.
– Don’t think too much about bedtime. Whether sleeping together or apart, being intimate or not, these are unprecedented times. If you decide to be intimate, accept that these are exceptional circumstances and that, as long as you are both consenting adults, it might be an acceptable temporary arrangement.
– Appreciate that lockdown might provide a good time to talk. They may not have had the chance to share, discuss, listen to each other in purposeless conversation for many years, if ever. Listen correctly to what others have to say without interfering with your thoughts, comments, or challenges to their versions of events. You may not agree with what he has to say, but if that’s how he feels, you have to accept it and use it as a starting point to talk.
Maybe I’ll agree to some ground rules when talking about serious topics. Avoid going around in circles, repeating tired examples, or shifting blame. Focus on how you both feel, what you each want from your lives, how you would like your relationship to work from now on, especially if there are children or mutual responsibilities involved.
– Many of us are finding that we are becoming more patient and tolerant. for being locked up Our priorities have been forced to change. What was once sought after or prized is now less as we realize that expensive cars, designer items, fabulous vacations, and celebrity status matter little when we are barely allowed to go out to shop for food, socialize, or see friends. our beloved ones.
– This change of pace could be a time for true honesty. in your relationship, to learn and understand each other better, to eliminate the usual stress and distractions, and perhaps rediscover the person you fell in love with before life got in your way. For some of us, it can even provide an opportunity to see attractive qualities in each other that we haven’t seen before or to reconnect and appreciate how special our relationship could be once again.
If we’re prepared to put in the effort and work on our relationship, we may even wonder if we still want that divorce. But if you decide to go ahead with the divorce, hopefully this time together has helped make the process easier to be more amicable and respectful. After all, you guys loved each other once.