I often hear from wives who are extremely shocked and confused. They often come home to find that their husband is gone. Or, without any explanation, he will just walk into the bedroom, pack his bags, walk out the door and leave the wife without looking back. Many wives are reeling not only because their husband has left them, but because they have no idea why he left and when (or if) he will return.
I heard from a wife who said, “Last Wednesday, I came home to find my husband in the bedroom packing. In fact, I think he had planned to leave while I was at work, but I got home early that day and I interrupted him. I asked him what the hell he was doing and he just said ‘I’m leaving you’ and walked past me and opened the front door and left. Needless to say I tried to wave him over so we could talk but he just He walked away. Then he didn’t answer my calls or texts. I have no idea where he went. I tried calling his family and friends but they don’t answer my calls either. I didn’t really see this coming. Sure, we have minor issues in our marriage from time to time, but I certainly didn’t think it was that bad. What am I supposed to do now? I don’t want to let my marriage go. I know right now why in the world he left me. I deserve answers. I want to know how he would do this.” I will try to address these concerns in the following article.
Try to focus more on how to proceed than on finding the answers that may not be immediate: Many wives in this scenario have a goal in mind. They want to track him down and demand answers. Many have no problem with a nasty confrontation designed to determine why the hell he would leave without any explanation. In short, they are angry and their intention is to obtain answers by whatever means necessary. But here’s the problem with that. Often, you are so focused on getting answers that you miss the most important issue. And that issue is that your husband is gone. At this point, the main goal should be to come up with a workable and successful plan to get you back on the right track. This means that he should try to win him back in a way that is healthy, not harmful, and that increases the chances that his marriage will prosper and succeed once he returns home.
Do not panic. Often, you’ll get your answers without doing something you regret: I remember when I was in this situation. I was so scared and so angry that my behaviors were somewhat embarrassing and certainly not typical of me. And when I was acting this way, I knew I was out of control but, at the time, I couldn’t seem to control myself. It’s very important that you don’t allow yourself to panic or exhibit behavior that will only make him want to get away that much more. Often, if you are patient and calm, the answers will come without you having to try as hard. Not only that, but when the answers come in, you’ll know that you didn’t make any unfortunate decisions that will further damage your relationship. Usually, her husband will eventually calm down and contact you. This is the best case scenario and much preferable to tracking it down by any means necessary.
Once you make contact, approach him in a mature way with the intention of solving problems rather than creating more: I know how frustrated you are right now because I’ve been there myself. I know it’s very easy to panic. Your feelings can be all over the place. One second you may be furious with him, and the next second you may be willing to agree to almost anything (or willing to make any promise) just to get him to come home. But neither of these strategies makes it more likely that you will be successful in the long run. I know it’s so easy to look short-term and tell yourself you’ll say or do anything to get it home, but this really is risky. Because what happens when he comes home and you don’t have a plan? Chances are decent that whatever it is that’s making him unhappy will eventually do it again and eventually go away once more.
Instead, you want to identify and resolve the problem so you don’t have to constantly worry about your departure. What you want is to create a stronger marriage and a healthier bond so that you will be successful in the long term rather than the short term. That’s why it’s so important that you approach him as someone who is willing to compromise and work with him rather than someone who is angry with him and wants to force him to come home at all costs, no matter what it takes.