Have you ever been a part of this “I have to work late, so don’t wait for me for dinner” or “go to bed, I’ll be there right after I finish this job” conversation? Perhaps you are one of those who has missed a vacation or a family outing because of your important work. Well, the question I would like you to consider is simply “why?” Is it to avoid improving your marriage?
Why do we so often use work as a shield or, in some cases, allow it to absorb the memories and life of our relationships? Could it be that it is a convenient way to create distance between husband and wife, albeit unconsciously?
Ok, I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been guilty of spending 4 out of 5 nights a week working late and coming home just in time to say goodnight. He wasn’t having an affair or hanging out with coworkers, but he was always at the office. In my mind, I was working hard for my family and to further my career. The problem was that I was missing out on family time that I could never get back. I didn’t understand what he was doing until several years had passed. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes as me.
Ask yourself the following questions, please;
What am I missing? Take some time to figure out what you’re missing out on by working late all the time. For example, if you have children, what iconic events and moments are you missing? Think about how they will see you when you are gone. They will probably remember that you worked hard but never got to know you because you were away most of the time.
How come my spouse is emotionally unavailable to me? Think about your spouse and the potential pain you are causing by not spending time at home, when you could be. Although her spouse may be supportive, he or she is likely to be devastated by feeling rejected and unwanted.
How has working late benefited your family financially? I can tell you that most of us spend what we earn, or more. So think about whether it’s really worth wasting the time that you’ll never be able to get back to your spouse or kids to drive the latest version of your favorite minivan.
One of the problems with some of the marriages that end in divorce is that only one spouse was trying to fix or improve the marriage. I don’t know your particular situation, but I would bet my bottom dollar that if you or your spouse work all the time, then you have some marital issues that need to be resolved. Whether you take the time to solve them now or later, you’ll be working on them.
So what does overworking mean to you? I hope it means it’s something you’ll push yourself to do less of and reconnect with your spouse and kids with your free time.
I realize that marriage is not always easy, and sometimes work can seem like a good place to escape. It doesn’t make you a bad person, but I think you’ll enjoy life more if you can build a marriage that makes you want to come home sooner rather than later. This in itself will improve your marriage.